Truth Be Told With Lucinda Bassett- My Things
One night, when I was obsessed with scary thoughts, David offered to take me out to dinner to get my mind off myself. I insisted on picking the restaurant and sitting as close to the door as possible. I didn’t eat because I didn’t want to get an upset stomach. David sat there enjoying his steak, while I obsessed. What was wrong with me? Would I ever be normal? That night I lay in my living room on the sofa and cried. Was there anyone out there who had what I had and didn’t lose their minds or die? Could I be helped? Would I have to live forever with this fear? If so, did I want to keep living? I was afraid to live and afraid to die. It seemed as if there were no answers.
The next morning I was getting ready for work, wondering how I was going to make it through another day. I turned on the TV, an unusual thing for me to do in the mornings. On the Today Show, a guest was talking about something called agoraphobia. I half listened because I had understood agoraphobics to be people who couldn’t leave their houses. I could. Obviously, that wasn’t me. I barley paid any attention to the TV, it was just background, until I heard a vivid description of the panic attacks I called my “things” filtering into my awareness. I sat at the edge of the bed staring at the television, riveted. She was describing a condition called anxiety disorder, and its related panic attacks and fear. I was in awe. She was talking about me. My “things” were panic attacks. “You can be helped,” she said in her closing statement. My prayer had been answered.
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