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‘Coming Out’ Causing Extreme Anxiety and Depression in LGBT Individuals?

Hello Everyone,

I recently had someone approach me about his issues with anxiety and depression related to “the holidays”. What came out in the conversation was, for lack of more appropriate words…his “coming out” as a gay young man. This “secret” was causing him a great deal of stress and he wanted to attempt to tell his family while he was home for the holidays.

After talking with him extensively a few times and realizing he was passionate about telling his family, I made the following suggestions:

1. Start by telling them how much you love them and how much what they think of you matters to you, and how proud you are to have your family.
2. Tell them who you are as a person and why they deserve credit for many the wonderful things you have become as a person.
3. Going into this next part, you must be completely prepared for them to “not” to be okay with it at first and that is “okay”.
4. Tell them that you are happy and doing well but there is something you want to share with them because they mean so much to you.
5. Tell them you are gay… and then tell them you would understand if they don’t understand, or are upset, etc. and if they need time to think it through.
6. Don’t get upset or defensive… you have done nothing wrong. You are sharing your true self.

Gay people get married, have children and families, and live full happy lives, but it is hard to do it when you feel ashamed, anxious and feel you don’t have friends and families support.

“Coming out” as a gay person is something that many people believe should be celebrated with happiness and excitement, and even relief; certainly not worry and fear. A young gay guy friend of mine tried to explain “coming out” in this way.  “Think about the coming out of anything positive; a new major motion picture, a book, a Broadway play. It is a good thing, a celebration, an anticipation of what’s to come.  Coming out in homosexuality should be celebrated the same way”.  In his mind it would be wonderful if people could view and accept someone’s “coming out” as a positive thing; a new beginning to an honest life with potential for happiness.  It would help to minimize the shame, fear, and anxiety associated with being gay. Interesting perspective.

I want to share an experience that I had with this recently. A young man who has been a friend of mine for a few years now has been struggling with his sexuality. As with many gay people, he decided to start talking about it and opening his mind to the possibility of coming out around 21 years old.  Lately over time he began talking about it with me personally, attempting to manage his anxiety associated with wondering if he might be gay.  I think he was trying to anticipate whether or not I would be accepting, which of course I was.  It took him several months and a lot of worry and anticipation about what his family would think, how is friends and acquaintances would accept him, how he would feel about being intimate with a guy, etc. I was amazed (but not surprised) at how extremely anxious, stressed and depressed he was as a result of his struggle with his sexuality.

After doing research, I came across a recent study that talks about how the gay community very often experiences very high levels of anxiety and depression. Upon hearing this, I decided I wanted to talk about this topic because research has proven that individuals under constant stress, especially related to holding in secrets or putting on a front of being someone they aren’t, can develop anxiety and depression. Discrimination, therefore, can be a powerful trigger for anyone is being discriminated against, and create severe problems.

I encourage you this holiday season to be more open-minded and loving to everyone, even those you may not like or agree with about certain things. Choose to be calm and compassionate and if someone who might be struggling with this or sexuality comes to you, try to open you heart and listen, and be accepting. Your words could be the very words that give that person the strength to embrace his or her true self and therefore, embrace life. Isn’t that what we all deserve?

Till next time..

Best,

Lucinda Bassett

Posted by Lucinda Bassett in Anxiety, Depression, Holidays.